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fic: a flower does not choose it's color
title: a flower does not choose it’s color
fandom: btvs
characters: dawn (mentions of others)
warnings: for mentions of blood, some self-harm references, and spoilers obviously.
a/n: writing dawn makes me nervous, so I’m sorry if it’s terrible. Written for he prompt, I'm a kitchen sink, you don't know what that means, because a kitchen sink to you, is not a kitchen sink to me, ok friend? for the new years ficathon you all should be doing.just saying.
“Dawn.”
She practices saying her name into the mirror.
“Dawn.”
Says it again and again trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense at all. She says it over and over trying to undercover something that she knows must be there.
“Dawn.”
She asks her mother why she had chosen that name.
She says she had just thought it was pretty, as she combs her fingers through her hair. (The truth is that she hadn’t chosen her name at all.)
“Dawn.”
She looks up the definition for it.
1) the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise.
synonyms: daybreak, sunrise, first light
2) beginning (of a day)
synonyms: begin, break, arrive, emerge
3) become evident to the mind; be perceived or understood.
synonyms: occur to, come to, strike, enter someone's mind, enter someone's consciousness, suggest itself
“Dawn.” She says into the mirror.
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
--
She has Summer’s blood.
She is made of it. She has her mother’s eyes and her father’s hair and she has Buffy’s stubbornness, though neither of them will admit to it.
She has Summer’s blood.
Dawn was made out if it. Molded in to flesh and blood, pieces that fit together to form a girl with memories of a life that did not exist until she did, with feelings that she will never be sure if they’re her own, with a body that is hers and not hers at the same time.
They made her into something new. They made her into a Summer’s woman.
But her blood is different, it’s the part that people never like to talk about. Her blood is darker as it spills from her body, a different shade of red.
And when her mother’s blood spills, or even her sister’s, it doesn’t do anything at all.
Dawn’s blood was made to destroy the world.
Buffy’s blood was made to save it.
She has Summer’s blood, you see, but it’s a darker shade when you look close.
--
Spike tells her, promises her even, that she is not evil. He’s seen real evil you see, and she’s not it.
But just because she’s not evil does not make her good.
She was built to protect the world.
But she had the power to destroy it.
(Why did everyone keep forgetting that?)
Buffy tells her she is real. Holds their hands together smeared with blood and says they are the same. Promises it.
But that does not make it true.
Buffy is the hero of the story.
Dawn is the dragon, green and glittery and she will burn the world with light and fire until there is no one left to save.
(No one likes to think about that part.)
Her mother holds her close and she promises her that no matter what she’ll always be her baby girl and that she belongs to her. No one can take that away, not Glory, not the monks, not anybody. She’s her baby, her Dawn.
Her mother (who isn’t her mother at all) dies.
(Always didn’t last that long, did it?)
--
sunrise, break, come to, begin, suggest itself, emerge, first light, arrive
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
--
Dawn dreams of a green light.
Of floating away into nothingness.
She dreams of blood spilling down to her feet, it echoes as it hits the ground and she hears every drop fall.
She dreams of green light, of fire and blood.
Dawn dreams of a freedom she has never known.
--
She stares into the mirror as she says her name and its familiar, but sometimes she thinks when she moves to quickly she catches a hint of green in her eyes.
It’s not supposed to be there.
The monks, they molded her into something new, something with feelings and a capacity for love and a hunger for everything around her, a want for it. She longs and she steals things that don’t belong to her (a piece of jewelry here, a tube of lipstick there, a candy bar, a mother, a sister). She longs for power that belongs to others, she longs for that feeling of freedom, of safety in the back of her mind.
Dawn doesn’t think they expected that.
But in the end, she is still made of green energy, flowing through her, making her who she is. Bigger and more than she can contain inside, but with nothing to allow her to pour it out.
She thinks she might be special.
She thinks she might be powerful even, if she could just find a way—if she could just find the lock she is looking for and not the one everyone else wants.
Dawn thinks there’s something inside her, bright and made of fire, that will surpass everyone around her.
If she could just find the right key.
(Ironic right?)
--
arrive, begin, first light, break, emerge
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
--
Dawn has scars across her skin.
She made some of them herself, thinks sometimes she’ll do it again but she’ll never say that out loud.
She has scars across her skin, from a monster of a man who worshipped a God not worth worshipping, who reached too high and died for it.
(She reached for Dawn, literally and figuratively, and all it got her was death.
She was not the first and Dawn is sure she will not be the last.)
No one else has seen the scars, she keeps them to herself, but stares at them in the mirror, the same way she used to say her name.
Tries to decipher what they mean, if they mean anything at all, a map across her skin that leads her nowhere. A list of things taken from her. A map to a place that no longer exists. The memory of a sister who’s ghost walks around her, smiling and with eyes that don’t close, as Dawn wraps her arms around her.
Some days she thinks, wonders, what happens now.
What happens if her blood spills to the ground, if she forces the knife in too hard and—
Dawn cuts off her thoughts.
She has too.
Buffy told her to live.
--
light, break, begin
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
fandom: btvs
characters: dawn (mentions of others)
warnings: for mentions of blood, some self-harm references, and spoilers obviously.
a/n: writing dawn makes me nervous, so I’m sorry if it’s terrible. Written for he prompt, I'm a kitchen sink, you don't know what that means, because a kitchen sink to you, is not a kitchen sink to me, ok friend? for the new years ficathon you all should be doing.
“Dawn.”
She practices saying her name into the mirror.
“Dawn.”
Says it again and again trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense at all. She says it over and over trying to undercover something that she knows must be there.
“Dawn.”
She asks her mother why she had chosen that name.
She says she had just thought it was pretty, as she combs her fingers through her hair. (The truth is that she hadn’t chosen her name at all.)
“Dawn.”
She looks up the definition for it.
1) the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise.
synonyms: daybreak, sunrise, first light
2) beginning (of a day)
synonyms: begin, break, arrive, emerge
3) become evident to the mind; be perceived or understood.
synonyms: occur to, come to, strike, enter someone's mind, enter someone's consciousness, suggest itself
“Dawn.” She says into the mirror.
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
--
She has Summer’s blood.
She is made of it. She has her mother’s eyes and her father’s hair and she has Buffy’s stubbornness, though neither of them will admit to it.
She has Summer’s blood.
Dawn was made out if it. Molded in to flesh and blood, pieces that fit together to form a girl with memories of a life that did not exist until she did, with feelings that she will never be sure if they’re her own, with a body that is hers and not hers at the same time.
They made her into something new. They made her into a Summer’s woman.
But her blood is different, it’s the part that people never like to talk about. Her blood is darker as it spills from her body, a different shade of red.
And when her mother’s blood spills, or even her sister’s, it doesn’t do anything at all.
Dawn’s blood was made to destroy the world.
Buffy’s blood was made to save it.
She has Summer’s blood, you see, but it’s a darker shade when you look close.
--
Spike tells her, promises her even, that she is not evil. He’s seen real evil you see, and she’s not it.
But just because she’s not evil does not make her good.
She was built to protect the world.
But she had the power to destroy it.
(Why did everyone keep forgetting that?)
Buffy tells her she is real. Holds their hands together smeared with blood and says they are the same. Promises it.
But that does not make it true.
Buffy is the hero of the story.
Dawn is the dragon, green and glittery and she will burn the world with light and fire until there is no one left to save.
(No one likes to think about that part.)
Her mother holds her close and she promises her that no matter what she’ll always be her baby girl and that she belongs to her. No one can take that away, not Glory, not the monks, not anybody. She’s her baby, her Dawn.
Her mother (who isn’t her mother at all) dies.
(Always didn’t last that long, did it?)
--
sunrise, break, come to, begin, suggest itself, emerge, first light, arrive
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
--
Dawn dreams of a green light.
Of floating away into nothingness.
She dreams of blood spilling down to her feet, it echoes as it hits the ground and she hears every drop fall.
She dreams of green light, of fire and blood.
Dawn dreams of a freedom she has never known.
--
She stares into the mirror as she says her name and its familiar, but sometimes she thinks when she moves to quickly she catches a hint of green in her eyes.
It’s not supposed to be there.
The monks, they molded her into something new, something with feelings and a capacity for love and a hunger for everything around her, a want for it. She longs and she steals things that don’t belong to her (a piece of jewelry here, a tube of lipstick there, a candy bar, a mother, a sister). She longs for power that belongs to others, she longs for that feeling of freedom, of safety in the back of her mind.
Dawn doesn’t think they expected that.
But in the end, she is still made of green energy, flowing through her, making her who she is. Bigger and more than she can contain inside, but with nothing to allow her to pour it out.
She thinks she might be special.
She thinks she might be powerful even, if she could just find a way—if she could just find the lock she is looking for and not the one everyone else wants.
Dawn thinks there’s something inside her, bright and made of fire, that will surpass everyone around her.
If she could just find the right key.
(Ironic right?)
--
arrive, begin, first light, break, emerge
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
--
Dawn has scars across her skin.
She made some of them herself, thinks sometimes she’ll do it again but she’ll never say that out loud.
She has scars across her skin, from a monster of a man who worshipped a God not worth worshipping, who reached too high and died for it.
(She reached for Dawn, literally and figuratively, and all it got her was death.
She was not the first and Dawn is sure she will not be the last.)
No one else has seen the scars, she keeps them to herself, but stares at them in the mirror, the same way she used to say her name.
Tries to decipher what they mean, if they mean anything at all, a map across her skin that leads her nowhere. A list of things taken from her. A map to a place that no longer exists. The memory of a sister who’s ghost walks around her, smiling and with eyes that don’t close, as Dawn wraps her arms around her.
Some days she thinks, wonders, what happens now.
What happens if her blood spills to the ground, if she forces the knife in too hard and—
Dawn cuts off her thoughts.
She has too.
Buffy told her to live.
--
light, break, begin
Sometimes she wonders if the word, the name, was created just for her.
(History rewrote itself for her, why not this too?)
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Thank you! I'm so glad that you liked it and thought that it fit Dawn. And I kind of love the dragon line, so you know, I love that you liked it. :D
Thank you again!
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This is all of my headcanon boiled down into one, concise, beautiful, heartbreaking, pitch-perfect, lyrical thing and I ...
DRAGONS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
*collapses*
This is so gorgeous. You are magical. This is beautiful.
ugh.
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And I love how this is somehow your headcanon, because it's mine too. And your way too nice with all your compliments.
DRAGONS WERE NECESSARY.
Okay, so it just kind of happened. But Buffy was the hero, with her swords and need to save the world, and Dawn was ths green energy built to destory, but the hero of the story loved the dragon and was willing to do anything to save it, and it was just to perfect to ignore okay?
You're magical.
But thank you, I'm so happy you liked it.
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headcanons where Dawn =/= weak and fragile are superior
DRAGONS ARE ALWAYS NECESSARY
but the hero of the story loved the dragon and was willing to do anything to save it
my sister txted me yesterday saying that Perri's "A Thousand Years" gave her Dawn/dragon feelings and between you and her I'm now completely dead
YOU'RE MAGICAL.
I loved it. Thank you so much for writing it. Write more things all the time.
**hugs**
no subject
this is very true.
my sister txted me yesterday saying that Perri's "A Thousand Years" gave her Dawn/dragon feelings and between you and her I'm now completely dead
well now I'm going to go have to listen to that and have dawn/dragon feelings and then have only you to blame.
especially if it makes me want to write something.Write more things all the time.
you're so sweet and nice. and lovely. also tell this to my muse. it is not cooperative in this department.
*lotsandlotsofhugsback*
no subject
you are perfect and i love you but honetsly what have you done oh god
She has Summer’s blood, you see, but it’s a darker shade when you look close.
how DARE
Dawn is the dragon
dragon
DRAGON
OMFG
So in lieu of just quoting this whole thing back to you i want to yell about all the keyness and the imagery and parenthesis, every time this little storytelling girl tells her self she can be rewritten. This is so Dawn, MY Dawn and I want to wrap myself around this fic and never let it go, okay friend?
I honestly don't know what to do with this, with you.
this is wonderful. i need to lie down.
*squishes you super tight*
no subject
Except I probably did...
And it's not my fault her blood is different, its just canon, and I'm playing on it. And Dawn is totally the Dragon and its not my fault. Not my fault at all.
This is so Dawn, MY Dawn and I want to wrap myself around this fic and never let it go, okay friend?
Feel free. It was written for you afterall. :D
*squishes you back*
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I just wrote a really long response to this about how important Dawn is and how sad it is that fandom-at-large limits her so much into a tiny box without scales or wings and then my internet cut out right as I clicked post.
so that's my summary and think fondly of the comment that no one will ever see (it was pretty great)
OUR Dawn is a gift.
no subject
And yay for the dragon part! So unexpected and absolutely natural at the same time.
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I've never saw Dawn as the dragon of the story, but it kinda makes sense in her prospective. (And LOVE the hero falling in love with the dragon and saving her) Also the name. DAWN is so important an symbolic. Lovely fic!
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(And the whole dragon thing is how you precieve it, is she the danger or does she just happen to be dangerous in a certain way? And like you said, in Dawn's head, Buffy is always the hero and once she learns she's the key it shapes how she sees herself and what she is.) And yes, I love how symbolic her name is. :D
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I love her thinking her blood is darker.
no subject